Computer StupiditiesOne time I had to walk a Windows 95 user through a particular procedure.
* Me: "First you need to open DOS-prompt. I'll guide you--"
* Customer: "MY COMPUTER DOES NOT HAVE DOS! YOU THINK I RUN THAT ANCIENT SOFTWARE?" (click)
* Friend: "I heard about this thing called 'Linux'."
* Me: "Oh, I use Linux."
* Friend: "What is it?"
* Me: "An operating system."
* Friend: "Like Firefox?"
* Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
* Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
* Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
A customer called in with modem problems.
* Tech Support: "Ok, we're going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed."
* Customer: "How do I know if everything is closed?"
* Me: "Make sure all windows are closed."
* Customer: "But...I'm in the basement. I don't have any windows here."
Lucky me, I made it to the the mute button in time!
Last year, the temp agency I was working for was arranging a contract for me, and some additional "computer skills" tests were necessary. The branch manager asked what kind of computer I was comfortable with. I said, "Windows PC," although I had used several others. She cut in right then and asked, "Word or Excel?"
* Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
* Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
* Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
* Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
* Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
* Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
* Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
* Customer: "What do you mean?"
* Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
* Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
* Tech Support: "And that is what?"
* Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
* Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
* Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
* Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
* Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
* Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."
Then it took me fifteen minutes to convince him that he had a Mac. Even after showing him "About this Macintosh." I spent another fifteen minutes trying to convince him that Windows 98 wouldn't work on his Mac. He said it should work because Windows 98 is for PCs, and he had a PowerPC. I think he's still trying to get it to read that CD, because I never could convince him.
* Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
* Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."
My father decided that it would be a nice surprise to install Windows 95 on my seven year old computer. He had one of his employees give him step-by-step written instructions but neglected to mention that my computer is so old. When I got home he had Windows 95 installed and was struggling to install the first piece of software.
* My Dad: "It says there's insufficient disk space. How much stuff to you have on the hard drive?"
* Me: "It was almost full. You shouldn't have been able to get Windows 95 on there."
* My Dad: "Well, I just followed these instructions."
I looked at the instructions and saw that he had backed up everything and wiped the hard drive.
* Me: "If you followed these instruction properly, the only thing on the hard drive should be Windows 95. How much space does that take up?"
* My Dad: "It doesn't take up any space. It's an operating system."
* Me: "No, it takes up a lot of space, and it shouldn't even be able to fit on this computer."
* My Dad: "No, you don't know what you're talking about. The problem is that you have too many files. You have to delete some of them."
* Me: "You already deleted all my files. They're on that stack of disks now."
* My Dad: "Yes, and those disks are taking up too much space."
I saw two older looking ladies trying to figure out the computers at a local store. I knew one of them would say something that I could send to Computer Stupidities, so I tried to listen in.
* Woman 1: "What is that little trash can on the screen?"
* Woman 2: "My son says that is call the 'recycle bin'. He tells me when I don't want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there."
* Woman 1: "Why in the recycle thingy? Can't you just erase it?"
* Woman 2: "Oh no, Word wouldn't work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages."
* Woman 1: "Why?"
* Woman 2: "Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That's why it's called the recycle bin."
